Thursday Thirteen #11
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OK Ladies...The weather is warm, and it's officially sandal season now. There ARE rules to sandal season, and in case some have forgotten...this week's list is a reminder to all my sisters out there just what they are. You may raise your big toes and repeat after me...(also promising to laugh along the way). 1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. 2. I will go polish-free, or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact, and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. 3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. 4. I will shave off any hairs on my big toe. 5. I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there. 6. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue, or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. 7. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him. 8. I will resist any urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99, even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle. 9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages. 10. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good. 11. I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking around. I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them. 12. I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are only about $15-$30, and worth EVERY penny). 13. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear. Nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals. |
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