Thorn in my side
Well I survived the first 3 weeks of having a new baby!
Im hanging by a thread though, to say the least.
My life has been turned upside down, as if I thought it kind of already did, I keep getting bombs dropped on me with my childs father.
Its unfortunate, why? Because I am suffering! Im battling with postpartum depression bouts.
When PJ is having a bad my day is even worse, I look at her and just cry....I at times cant soothe her, and its frustrating! Im Sleep deprived bc I have nights where I am ALL ALONE. I have had help and thank god for these people bc without it I would BREAK! My stress levels are off the charts. Im not producing enough breast milk to keep up a supply, its killing me!
I dont have time to myself to do much of anything ....im lucky I even caught a minute to blog. This is therapy for me.
I beat myself up and do not give myself credit for all the hard work I do, Instead Im constantly thinking about all the hurt, and trauma Ive been through. Theres not a day that goes by where I get super angry, and disgusted at what he did to me.... but I cant live like this. I have a baby girl who needs me and needs a mom whos strong,happy, and not stressed out.
I know she picks up on it. and it tears me up I dont want her to feel it another day, she felt it for 9 months inside me...its just not fair to her.
I keep telling myself...
"You can do this...there are people who are worse off..."
I need to just fall in love with Pella, and the life we will experience together.
Its just so hard, and people dont often discuss the "postpartum" part of a having a baby.
your just hear about the sleepness nights, and the poopy diapers.
Im hanging by a thread though, to say the least.
My life has been turned upside down, as if I thought it kind of already did, I keep getting bombs dropped on me with my childs father.
Its unfortunate, why? Because I am suffering! Im battling with postpartum depression bouts.
When PJ is having a bad my day is even worse, I look at her and just cry....I at times cant soothe her, and its frustrating! Im Sleep deprived bc I have nights where I am ALL ALONE. I have had help and thank god for these people bc without it I would BREAK! My stress levels are off the charts. Im not producing enough breast milk to keep up a supply, its killing me!
I dont have time to myself to do much of anything ....im lucky I even caught a minute to blog. This is therapy for me.
I beat myself up and do not give myself credit for all the hard work I do, Instead Im constantly thinking about all the hurt, and trauma Ive been through. Theres not a day that goes by where I get super angry, and disgusted at what he did to me.... but I cant live like this. I have a baby girl who needs me and needs a mom whos strong,happy, and not stressed out.
I know she picks up on it. and it tears me up I dont want her to feel it another day, she felt it for 9 months inside me...its just not fair to her.
I keep telling myself...
"You can do this...there are people who are worse off..."
I need to just fall in love with Pella, and the life we will experience together.
Its just so hard, and people dont often discuss the "postpartum" part of a having a baby.
your just hear about the sleepness nights, and the poopy diapers.
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