Gut punching desicions
deep breathe ok...so Ive always been the person to bite the bullet, be the bigger person, as many times as there have been in the last 16 months of wanting to keep my daughter all to myself and say FUCK IT, I havent. I've dealt with the instability, the headache, the lies, excuses, the close to NO support from her better half. Im not going to sit here and bash the man, or say things out of hate, but I am human, and I'm exhausted and tired. I have over exerted myself time and again, I am constantly taken advantage of, my time and MORE IMPORTANTLY my kids time is being wasted.
I filed for custody and support back in December of last year and WHY THE FUCK I dont have my court yet is BEYOND me!!!! Ive touched base BI-WEEKLY with my attorney, following up with what the fuckin deal is and STILL Nothing! Im told I should have something in the next week. OK GREAT, so my gut punching decision is to not deal with BD, until the order is in place, meaning I wont wait around every week to see if hes going to show or not. His obligation of being her father is to be financially responsible, morally responsible and psychically responsible, out of these all my daughter gets is him showing up, wanting a pat on the back and respect from ME b/c he SHOWED UP.
Its extremely frustrating to stay on the right path of PEACE between him and I, when he puts NO effort into making that possible. Hes got baggage, hes got his priorities out of whack, and its not fair to me or Pella. He has never had consequences for his parental actions, where my life is nothing but consequences and sacrifices. I know what Im choosing to do is temporary, and is the best for my sanity at this moment in time. Ive tried being the communicator, Ive tried being nice, Ive tried moving days and times around, Ive asked him for $0 ever since he decided he didnt want to "support me" (his idea of what child support is) and personally I just dont give a fuck anymore. I carry BOTH our weights, and emotion!!! Pella is too young to know whats going on, to know her dad is all over the place, and to be affected by all of this. Im hoping that by withdrawing him from her life until we have a court order, will make him wake up and smell the roses, see the big picture! I am struggling with this choice, some people will probably say Im crazy for not doing it sooner or Im crazy for not letting Pella see her dad, but to those people who dont live in my shoes... all I can say my intentions are NOT to keep my daughter from her dad, its something Ive decided is necessary until we both have set boundaries and guidelines....
I filed for custody and support back in December of last year and WHY THE FUCK I dont have my court yet is BEYOND me!!!! Ive touched base BI-WEEKLY with my attorney, following up with what the fuckin deal is and STILL Nothing! Im told I should have something in the next week. OK GREAT, so my gut punching decision is to not deal with BD, until the order is in place, meaning I wont wait around every week to see if hes going to show or not. His obligation of being her father is to be financially responsible, morally responsible and psychically responsible, out of these all my daughter gets is him showing up, wanting a pat on the back and respect from ME b/c he SHOWED UP.
Its extremely frustrating to stay on the right path of PEACE between him and I, when he puts NO effort into making that possible. Hes got baggage, hes got his priorities out of whack, and its not fair to me or Pella. He has never had consequences for his parental actions, where my life is nothing but consequences and sacrifices. I know what Im choosing to do is temporary, and is the best for my sanity at this moment in time. Ive tried being the communicator, Ive tried being nice, Ive tried moving days and times around, Ive asked him for $0 ever since he decided he didnt want to "support me" (his idea of what child support is) and personally I just dont give a fuck anymore. I carry BOTH our weights, and emotion!!! Pella is too young to know whats going on, to know her dad is all over the place, and to be affected by all of this. Im hoping that by withdrawing him from her life until we have a court order, will make him wake up and smell the roses, see the big picture! I am struggling with this choice, some people will probably say Im crazy for not doing it sooner or Im crazy for not letting Pella see her dad, but to those people who dont live in my shoes... all I can say my intentions are NOT to keep my daughter from her dad, its something Ive decided is necessary until we both have set boundaries and guidelines....
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