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Lucky me i found a minute to blog!.

Pella is sleeping oh so peacefully..FINALLY.

I was running on 3 almost 4 days of NO SLEEP. I was lucky just to lay down.

Ive been lucky to have people who care about me to stay with me and help me survive the brutal first week of Pellas life at home. Newborn stage is extremely intimidating and it really never hit me, how hard it truly is. I find myself crying EVERYDAY. my emotions are all over the board. and not having her dad as emotional support has made it that much worse for me, all people talk about is how they had/have their husbands there to feed the baby a bottle in the middle of the night so they could sleep, change diapers, soothe the baby..etc etc. I don't have that, and it KILLS ME and breaks my heart every second I think about it. I NEVER imagined Id feel as helpless as I do when it comes to not being with her dad. He tries here and there which I give him credit for , however its still honestly the worst heartache ive ever felt, given the circumstances.

I know it will get better with time, but its really hard... hearing him call me "his babies momma" makes me feel digusting and like im some girl who just got pregnant. we spend almost 7 years together....and thats how he refers to me as. I could go on and on about what grinds my gears about her dad. but it is what it is. Im a single mom. Enough about my moments of sadness.

Onto my moments of being a new mom....

Ive read baby wise and I am taking the PDF approach, worked GREAT during the day..then night rolled around and my child was a WRECK, up screaming, unable to soothe, she would calm down for 10 minutes at a time only to scream louder and longer the next time around.

I was beside my myself..thinking....

HOW? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? WHY IS SHE SO UNHAPPY? IM A TERRIBLE MOM.

breast feeding has become more and more tolarable with each day passing....THANK GOD. that first WEEK WAS TERRRRRIBLE. but Ive stuck with it. I even pump now and am starting to build up some B-MILK. I am now able to supplement a bottle at night feeding to help top her off! and last night was a sucessful night of sleep for her and me! whoo-hoo!

Im learning more and more everyday! at her ONE-WEEK old Dr. appointment she gained an Ounce! her jaundice is subsiding, her poop is turning that "mustard yellow"... little milestones I find myself feeling like a kid on christmas morning!

I love her so much!